


maybe i just wanna be yours

by akosmia



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-03-06
Packaged: 2019-11-12 23:23:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18020453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akosmia/pseuds/akosmia
Summary: “I could help,” he hears himself say, but he isn’t sure of how he has come to this.He’s aware of several things - the way Rose and Rey turn into his direction, Rey’s surprised gaze and Rose’s eyebrows raised in a confused expression, his own heart hammering crazily in his chest, his brain screaming at him and wondering what the hell it's wrong with him as if he had an answer for that (he doesn’t) - but the only thing he doesn't know is how he forces the next few words out.Maybe by sheer dumbness - that always seems to be the case when his stupid crush on Rey is involved.-- or: four times Ben helped Rey's friends, and one time they helped him back.





	maybe i just wanna be yours

**Author's Note:**

> sooo ... i'm back?? yes, i know i disappeared for like, two months, but i had a few family things to take care of, and a lot of exams in february because i'm graduating in the fall, but now i'm back!! i promise to be more active, even if i probably won't write as much as last year because i've got a dissertation to focus on (i should have worked on that today, but instead i finished this :D i'm a responsibile adult :D) and, as i mentioned, i'm hopefully graduating in september so i'll have to work on the last few exams bUUUT i'm still back!! and i promise to write again!!
> 
> this is honestly the silliest thing - it has been in the work for way too long, and the more i stare at it, the more it feels stupid, so ... don't mind me?

**(i)**

They're sitting down at Ben's table and talking about Rey's favorite movie (Wall-E, something about it makes her go on for _hours_ , which Ben finds definitely too pleasant, especially when she gives him a flash of that bright, dimpled smile that makes his heart stumble into his chest) in front of the mug of coffee she has just brought him when her phone goes off, blasting Rick Astley's _Never Gonna Give You Up_ at full volume in the silence of the café.

It's a quiet, snowy day, and despite it being Monday, there are only a bunch of customers sitting at the tables with fuming-hot coffee or tea in front of them, so when the song starts to play, deafening the silence and his ears alike, all the heads turn into their direction as Rey tries to wrestle the phone out of the pocket of her jeans, fumbling and turning a pleasant shade of crimson under his eyes.

"Sorry," she says, flashing him an apologetic smile. She scrunches up her nose in that adorable way of hers that has Ben captivated, and sighs, shaking her head. "I usually keep it silent, but Finn likes to mess around with my settings and give himself a personalized ringtone. Trust him to _rickroll_ me even when he's miles away".

Ben frowns, his eyebrows arching up out of their own accord. " _Rickroll_?"

She looks up from her phone, which is still blasting its awful song, just to stare at him with wide eyes and parted lips, as if processing a thought. He can almost swear she mutters the word _rickroll_ to herself. Then, as if reaching some kind of conclusion, she blinks and shakes her head again.

"Sometimes I wonder how old you really are," she says, simply, as if pondering about his own very existence. “Are you sure you're not actually seventy?”

“Hey-”

Before he gets a chance to reply, though, she accepts the call and brings the phone to her ear, finally quieting it. Ben is frankly too stunned and even a little bit offended, to be honest (even if he doesn't think he has it in him to be offended by Rey, non really) to realize the song has finally stopped.

“Can you please tell me how did you even manage to _rickroll_ me from Naboo?" Rey is saying, her lips curved in a playful smile that makes his heart flutter in his chest. "Aren't you supposed to be on a romantic retreat or some- Oh. What? Oh, fuck, I'm sorry, are you both okay?”

The little smile on her face disappears in an instant, and a frown comes to take its place. She furrows her brows, and a wrinkle appears in the middle of her forehead, while her lips are pressed together in a thin line as she intently listens to whatever Finn’s saying right now.

She seems worried, Ben realizes. He has rarely seen her like this - she's always smiling, chuckling at something he's said, greeting the customers with her biggest grin, radiating that kind of bright, lively energy that has enthralled him so much since he stepped into the café for the first time months ago. A kind of energy that never seems to dim, despite it all, not even on a bad day when she looks tired and irritated and grumpy, with dark circles under her eyes and a pout that makes his insides melt.

Something inside him churns unpleasantly and he brings his eyes down to his cup of coffee, his stomach twisting as Rey keeps talking.

"No, I get it, it's okay," she's saying. "Don't worry, we'll take care of the café. You two stay safe, okay? Love you. Bye".

Ben darts a glance in her direction as she hangs up and stares at the phone with the same frown on her face, her lips still pressed together and an expression that he isn’t sure he’s able to decode on her fine features.

He clears his throat, hesitantly. “Everything okay?” he asks, tentatively, because Rey still looks _so_ worried, and he’s afraid of overstepping a boundary he didn’t know it was there.

They’ve always talked about everything in these past few months, and they’re _friends_ , a word Ben never thought he'd get to use, but it still feels impossibly delicate, and he doesn't want to ruin this, whatever this is, like he's ruined everything else in his life.

Rey flashes him a small, uncertain smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. "Yeah, it's just-" she shakes her head, as if to brush the thought off, but the frown on her face doesn’t fade away and Ben’s chest feels suddenly very tight, as if something had started to squeeze his heart in a forceful grip. "Don't worry about it, just work stuff".

He tries to swallow the unpleasant feeling down. “Is there something I can do?” he asks, before he can stop himself, and he feels very stupid, as Rey’s eyes settle on him as if seeing for the first time.

There's a silence that seems to last an eternity and a half, in which Ben regrets all his life choices, then Rey smiles. Her eyes are kind and she's smiling again that gentle, private smile that she reserves him when there's no one else around - the smile he has learned to associate to whispered conversations and heartfelt laughter, and a friendship blossoming into something that takes his breath away, even though he doesn't want to admit it.

"No, don't worry about it," she tells him, as she stretches out her arm and places her hand on top of his, patting it briefly.

The contact sends shiver down his spine, but he gulps and breathes deeply, trying to pretend it isn't affecting him at all. She touches him _all the time_ , resting her hand on his shoulder as if to comfort him whenever he’s deep in thought or barely brushing her fingers against his as he helps her setting the tray on his table, and it takes him a conscious effort to tell himself it means nothing. She's just being _Rey,_ gentle and kind and incredible Rey - but he can't help the thundering of his heart, as the idiot he is.

He tries to clear his throat. “You’re sure?”

She nods, quietly. “Yeah,” she says, with the same smile. "Finn and Poe got stuck in Naboo. They were on a romantic weekend but apparently it has snowed so much all the trains are cancelled and- well, me and Rose are on our own on the café today. Hopefully they'll come back tomorrow, if it doesn't get any worse, I mean, but- it’s no big deal, it has happened before".

Rey is still touching him, absentmindedly tracing gentle patterns against the back of his hand (and he wonders if she even realizes she's doing that) so Ben blames the next few words on the complete shutdown of his brain due to her proximity, the touch of her skin against his that sends something that resembles an electric jolt through his body.

"I can pick them up".

A stunned silence falls on them, as Rey blinks once, then twice, then a third time too, as if bringing him into focus, and Ben is very aware of how extremely red his cheeks are and exactly how fast his heart is beating in his chest right now. He wonders if Rey can hear it, but he doesn't think it would make a difference, because she's already staring at him as if he had suddenly grown a second head.  

Then, she opens her mouth, her brows knit together in a frown. "It's a _two-hours_ _drive_ ," she points out, as if Ben hadn't known it.

He knows.

He swallows again. "I know," he says, simply, trying his best to shrink into his shoulders as if he could disappear just like that. "I just- I can do it. It's not like I'm so terribly busy and I have a car and- and I don't mind it, really, I mean-"

She pats his hand again, and Ben loses track of what he was saying. His brain short-circuits again for the second time in two minutes, and he idly wonders if he'll ever be able to make it work again.

Judging by the whimper that escapes his lips when her fingers brush against his knuckles, the chances are particularly slim.

"I can't ask you that," she murmurs, gently, her eyes darting to his face, her fingertips hovering above his skin. Ben's brain is giving him the cerebral equivalent of the blue screen of death.

It takes him a minute to realize that maybe he's supposed to talk. He clears his throat, steeling himself and praying she hasn't noticed the way he was rendered completely useless just by the touch of her hand.

"You aren't _asking_ me," he corrects her, flashing a small, tentative smile. His cheeks are still flaming red and he wonders how stupid he looks right now, with his reading glasses slipping down his nose and his crimson face and his too big ears hidden beneath his ruffled hair. She's staring at him intently, as if regarding a work of art, and Ben is acutely aware of the way his heart is thundering against his ribcage. "I'm volunteering. I don't mind it, really. Beside, I'm always here, the least I can do is help you. _Them_. I meant- them".

Rey flashes him that delicate smile he has never seen her give someone else except for him, and traces small circles on his skin with her fingertips. The barest touch makes him tremble in her gasp and by now his brain is playing the Windows error sound in loop.

"You're way too kind," she muses, in the end, scrunching up her nose again and making his heart flutter rapidly against his ribcage, again and again and again. "We don't deserve you".

He wants to tell her that they live a world full of people who would beg to differ, but he bites his tongue and smiles at her, intertwining their fingers together for the briefest moment, without looking her in the eyes. His gaze is set on their joined hands - his palm almost dwarfing hers, her fingers laced with his, her pulse just beneath his fingertips -, then he squeezes her hand, and pulls away with a wistful sigh.

"Just tell them to text me their location,” he says, awkwardly standing up. He gathers all his things - his laptop, his tattered notebooks, his pens - under Rey's watchful gaze and he can feel his ears turning an embarrassing shade of crimson.

She chuckles. “You're absurd,” she tells him, but there's a hint of something that could almost pass for tenderness in her voice. She hands him his scarf, and he wraps it tightly around his neck, as she watches him with that gentle smile of hers.

Then, as if a thought had suddenly bloomed into consciousness, she leans in, fixing the scarf around his neck and patting his chest briefly. Her hand lingers over his heart, and Ben is painfully aware of the fluttering creature in his ribcage, stirring beneath Rey's touch as if it had known her in a previous life. Like calls to like - Rey's touch seems to awaken something that had been dormient until now, and he can barely stop himself from intertwining their fingers again.

“I owe you a coffee, ” she tells him, staring up at him with a grin, her fingers burning a hole in his skin even above all the layers of his clothes.

“Black,” he reminds her, which makes her snort.

“Of course”.

There's a hint of fondness in her voice, a warmth that Ben feels seeping into his bones even as her hand falls away. She watches him leave with a smile on her lips, and Ben’s heart stutters in his chest again.

**(ii)**

“Oh, come on,” Rey says, poking at his arm with the handle of a teaspoon, and looking extremely determined, her nose scrunched up in that adorable way of hers. “Give me at least a little spoiler. I won’t tell anyone, I promise”.

It takes him all his willpower not to surrender and give her anything she wants. It’s the hardest thing he’s ever done, and he’s not quite sure he has succeeded, because she looks at him with those big, hazel eyes and that freckled smile that turns his legs into jelly, and Ben forgets why he’s even arguing about it.

It happens more often than not, if he's being honest.

“No,” he says in the end, despite his good-for-nothing brain is screaming him to tell her _yes, yes you can have a spoiler, and the book and the whole of me, no problem._ He tries to smile, hoping she can’t read that thought right off his face. “I can’t, sorry. You’ll have to wait”.

Her lips curve in a pout that makes him forget even his name, and she stops poking him, resting her head on her hand and looking at him under her lashes. The freckles on the bridge of her nose are clearer than ever now that spring is slowly rolling around, bringing sunshine with it, and he can’t even believe she’s real, let alone here, at his usual table in the quietest corner of the café, and talking to him.

“What’s the point of being friends with a writer,” she starts, still pouting and slightly tilting her head. “If he won’t give you a spoiler about his next book?”

“That’s why you’re my friend?” he asks her, rising his eyebrows and flashing her a teasing smile, his heart thundering pleasantly in his chest, as if humming to a melody known to them only. “So you can have spoilers on the next book?”

Rey’s smile matches his. “Of course,” she replies, with a wink. His brain is already on the verge of shutting down. “Why else?”

Before he gets a chance to reply and probably tell her the whole plot of the his book and then some, Rose slams the door of the café as she enters, making all the customers turn into her direction. Rey jolts, surprised, as she slowly turns into Rose’s direction, and Ben frowns, slightly terrified by the angry expression on Rose’s face. Despite being short, or maybe because of it (Ben isn't actually sure), she is the most frightening person he's ever met and he doesn't wish to experience first-hand the wrath of a God.

“Hey. Everything okay?” Rey asks, gently, as Rose approaches her with her brows furrowed in a deep frown. She looks electrical, an if looks could kill, her body count would have a double digit right now.

No one is paying attention to him - nevertheless, Ben tries his best to shrink into his shoulders and hide himself against the wall, making as little noise as possible to avoid attracting attention, some kind of muscle memory from his high school days kicking in again after more than fifteen years.

Rose runs a hand through her hair and lets out a small huff of breath that could pass for an annoyed sigh. “Yeah,” she murmurs, while her frown deepens. “My car broke down as I was coming here and I can’t seem to find anyone to fix it”.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Rey replies immediately, placing a hand on Rose’s arm and flashing her a brief, sympathetic smile. She seems to be the only one in a ten-miles radius who’s not scared shitless by her friend, which Ben finds impressing, if not reckless. “I could check it out, but it’s been a while since I’ve worked for Plutt and I’m sure I’d do more damage than good,” she adds, with a grimace that looks out of place on her face, like she had just swallowed something very bitter

The fear is suddenly replaced by something in Ben's stomach that twists unpleasantly.

“Oh, Rey, don’t worry about it,” Rose replies, squeezing her friend’s hand for the briefest moment, putting away her terrifying glare to smile at her, kindly. “Don’t worry, I’ll find someone. I’m just pissed”.

Rey’s eyes land briefly on him as she turns away, and she gives him an apologetic smile, the grimace still easy to see on her face even now that it has disappeared - he can trace the shadow of it, twisting Rey’s beautiful, sharp features into something bitter. His heart twists in his chest and his brain shuts down for good, so he has no memory of what comes next.

Which is probably why he finds himself speaking without even remembering when he has opened his mouth.

“I could help,” he hears himself say, but he isn’t sure of how he has come to this.

He’s aware of several things - the way Rose and Rey turn into his direction, Rey’s surprised gaze and Rose’s eyebrows raised in a confused expression, his own heart hammering crazily in his chest, his brain screaming at him and wondering what the hell it's wrong with him as if he had an answer for that (he doesn’t) - but the only thing he doesn't know is how he forces the next few words out.

Maybe by sheer dumbness - that always seems to be the case when his stupid crush on Rey is involved.

“With the car, I mean. I could check it out”.

His cheeks feel on fire and he must probably look like the biggest idiot who has ever walked the Earth, because both Rey and Rose stare at him as if he had suddenly started tap dancing on the table, which he’s still pretty sure he hasn’t. Not yet, at least.

Then, Rey speaks.

“Do you .. do you _know_ how to fix cars?” she asks him, surprise coloring her voice.

He nods, not sure he remembers how to speak, and wonders what the fuck is going on in his brain, which is, as usual, a mystery he can’t seem to solve. Before he can try to add anything, furiously working his remaining brain cells just to find something to say, though, her face breaks into the teasing smile that turns his heart into a fluttering, eager thing yearning to crawl its way out of his throat, and a chuckle escapes her lips.

His last two brain cells are definitely dead and gone by now.

“Well, consider me impressed. How many talents exactly are you hiding?”

He swallows once, then twice, trying to swallow down his heart too before he does something stupid like ask her to marry him.

“Well, you know me,” he says with a shrug, when he’s confident enough he won’t end up blurting something he’d regret later. “Always full of surprises”.

It sounds stupid - no, worse, it sounds like something _his father_ would say, which is the worst insult he can tell himself. He can’t help but cringe at his own words - and still, the smile Rey gives him is enough to send both his heart and his brain into utter chaos.

He had almost forgotten Rose, so he jumps on his seat, surprised, when she lightly taps on his shoulder. “Hey, _loverboy,_ ” she says, trying to catch his attention. Ben has no time to register the name she has chosen for him, or to react appropriately, because she raises her eyebrows and crosses her arms, her eyebrows dangerously high on her forehead. Ben swallows again, this time for a whole other reason. “Do you actually know how to fix cars?”

He can feel Rey’s gaze on him, when he replies, and he briefly wonders how his life has come to this. One day he was just ordering a black coffee in the new coffee shop next to his apartment and the next he’s here, offering to fix cars and probably dying of embarrassment, all because of pair of pretty eyes staring at him from the other side of the counter months ago.

“Yeah. My father has an autoshop back in Chandrila and I used to help him when I was a kid. I might have picked up a thing or two,” he explains, shrugging. Then, out of reflex, he pushes his reading glasses up his nose and tries again to shrink into his shoulders, as if he could disappear. “I mean, I am no expert, but I could help you. Until you find a proper mechanic, at least”.

“Writer, mechanic,” Rey teases him, with her usual smirk, poking him again with the handle of a teaspoon. “You’re really a wonder, Ben Solo”.

Rose lets out a breathless chuckle, and he can feel the tip of his ears reddening.

“Yeah, I’m sure he is,” she replies, then tugs at his sleeve and flashes him a pleading gaze, so different from her usual expression that Ben has to blink her in once, then twice, then a third time too, just to assure himself he’s not hallucinating it. “Can you check it out for me, please? I’ll buy you that disgusting black coffee you drink for two weeks, I promise, just _please_ ”.

Despite the strangeness of the situation - Rose, who has barely spoken a few words in his presence for the past eight months or so, pleading him and staring at him as if he had the solution to all the world’s problems in the pocket of his jeans -, Rey’s gaze is still fixed on him, and there’s something in the back of her eyes that he doesn’t know how to decode, but that renders him breathless all the same. A part of him longs to know - longs to decipher all of her gaze, the way she smiles, the way she looks at him and the meaning in her words.

Instinctively, he pushes his glass up his nose again, and shrugs again.

“You don’t have to,” he says, eyeing Rose, then Rey, than bringing his eyes back on Rose and blushing even harder because he can still feel Rey's gaze on him. “Buy me coffee, I mean, you’re- you’re Rey’s friend. It’s no trouble, really”.

If Rose is surprised, she doesn’t show it - instead, she waits for him to pull on his jacket, and drags him across the whole café, under Rey’s amused gaze. As soon as they have stepped out of the front door, she lets him go, but eyes him with a smirk that Ben isn’t really familiar with, but that has seen a few times before, when she has teased the hell out of Finn and Poe for _being absolutely disgusting._

He gulps. “What?” he asks, hiding his face in the collar of his jacket, hoping she hasn’t noticed yet the bright, flaming red of his cheeks, despite the fact that he's usually as pale as a ghost, and any hint of color on his face is clearly visible from miles away. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

They make their way down the street, as Rose guides him to where she’s left her broken down car. The early spring sun paints them in a golden light, and Rose’s eyebrows arch even higher, the smirk never leaving her face as she keeps her gaze on him. Ben’s sure she has already seen the way he’s furiously blushing, and she probably knows the reason why, too.

“You did it for her,” she says, in the end. Her lips are still curved in a taunting smile, but her voice is almost serious and quiet, and despite her being terrifying, Ben realizes he actually likes Rose, even if she's trying to tease him into next week.

He raises his eyebrows, and even if he knows exactly what she meant, he tries to feign ignorance, battling his lashes and staring at her in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

There’s a moment of silence in which Rose gives him an eloquent expression, as if he was a particularly dumb kid, and she could perfectly see through his lies, which, of course she can. “Offering to fix my car,” she replies, poking at his arm with her finger. Apparently it is common practice to poke him lately. “You did it because you _like_ Rey”.

His cheeks feel on fire, and he’s sure he must look ridiculous right now, with face flaming red and his lips parted in a really dumb expression. He opens his mouth, then he closes it. Then, he opens it again, and swallows all the words down. “Of course I like Rey,” he manages to say, playing nonchalant. The fact that he’s been proved countless times that he actually can’t doesn’t seem to stop him. “She’s my friend”.

A huff of breath slips past Rose’s lips, as her eyes settle on him again. She rests her hands on her hips, and despite her being a good deal shorter than him (like almost every other human being), she’s actually a little bit terrifying, with her electrical gaze and her raised eyebrows and it feels like staring Death right into the eyes, more or less.

 _Don't be ridiculous_ , Rey has told him several times, her lips curved in a playful smile, _Rose isn't that scary_.

Well, he begs to differ.

“Please,” she says, eloquently, with the expression of someone who has called pretty much everyone on their bullshit. “Do you actually believe I haven't noticed?”

It's not a surprise - it's been pretty obvious since that first day in the café, months and months ago, when he had stuttered on his words as soon as he had noticed Rey, the smattering of freckles on her nose, the brightness of her eyes, the ease of her laugh as she handed him his coffee. And it’s really no wonder he got it so bad - it feels like Rey is the kind of person you can't not fall at least a little bit in love with, just from the way she looks at you.

He smiles, tentatively. “No,” he replies, in the end. “But it was worth a try,” he adds, with a shrug that hopefully should mask his attempt to shrink into his shoulders and hide himself from her gaze.

He’s still staring at his feet, when Rose laughs. It’s a heartfelt laughter, and it takes him by surprise, because it still feels new - he has never been the one to make someone else laugh, and his heart beats faster in his chest, despite the obvious humiliation of having someone realize how hard he’s crushing on Rey.

It was bound to happen, he thinks. He’s not exactly been subtle about it, in the end, blushing like a schoolboy every time she looked his way, or shivering at the simple touch of her fingertips, lingering in the coffee shop just to be around Rey.

“Come on,” Rose says, breathing heavily between fits of giggle. “You know you can say it, right?” He must look really confused, because she smiles up at him and shakes her head. “That you like her. That you have a huge, teeth-rotting crush on Rey”.

“I don’t-” he starts, ready to blurt out all the lies he can come up with on such a short notice, but he’s rewarded by Rose’s eloquent expression, raised eyebrows and knowing smile, and he doesn’t know why, but it’s this moment that makes him give up the fight and sigh, deflated. “Yeah. Maybe I do”.

It feels weird to say it out loud, as if the thought hadn't been real until he had spoken it. His heart twists into his chest, and his hands tremble, his breath almost shaky.

A gentle hand rests on his arm, and he can hear Rose’s kind smile as if it were a living thing, the hopefulness in the back of her eyes so easy to read when he turns into her direction, crimson as ever.

“You should ask her on a date,” she says, with a knowing smirk.

Ben feels his cheeks on fire again, and he wonders how many times a human being can blush before he starts to melt. “Yeah, and then hop on the moon for a quick walk. _Realistic_ goals, Rose,” he replies, with a grimace. He fixes his glasses on his nose, then shoves his hands in the pocket of his jacket, and lets out a deep sigh. “Come on, show me your car. At least I can do something about _that_ ”.

She wrinkles her nose, then pokes his arm again, before stepping in front of him with the same knowing smirk from before.

“She’d say yes, you know,” she says, then, before he can say something, she turns and starts to walk faster towards her car, leaving a dumbfounded Ben standing in the middle of the road, too stunned to even form a coherent sentence.

**(iii)**

Ben stares at the corgi that’s currently perched up on his couch (or, more accurately: splayed on one of his sweaters, which is currently resting on the couch) and is looking at him with his warm, brown eyes as if to dare him, and he briefly wonders how the hell is life has come to this.

In retrospective, he has no idea what possessed him to smile at Poe and reassure him, offering to look after his dog while he took Finn to meet his dad out of town, but if he has to take a guess, he'd probably say it was Rey - her pensive eyes as she told Poe she couldn't look after BB8 this time, the thin line of her lips, the sadness of her expression as she gave him a close-lipped smile. Ben couldn't stand it and, as it usually happens when Rey's involved, he opened his mouth.

Which is how he ended up with an hyperactive corgi who is currently set to destroy his living room while chewing on his sweater, apparently. In the two hours he's been here, after Poe has dropped him, BB8 has destroyed two cushions, knocked over a lamp and chewed on two of his plants, not to mention the sweater he has stolen from his room which Ben has no idea of how he managed to retrieve, and Ben is actively regretting every choice in his life that has brought him to this moment.

“Leave it,” he orders, pulling a sleeve of his sweater free from the corgi’s grip. It doesn't matter - BB8 is still splayed on it as if resting on the comfiest bed ever made. “BB8, give me back my sweater!”

BB8, of course, just stares at him. He has no discernible facial expressions, but Ben is sure the dog is challenging him.

In response, the corgi flops even more on the sweater, his paws digging into the soft wool ruined by now, and Ben realizes he is two deep breaths away from a mental breakdown.

His meltdown is suddenly interrupted by the sound of his doorbell ringing, and Ben is startled, turning toward the door as if the object could grant him some sort of explanation or relief. He knows the chances of Poe coming back to take his demonic dog back are slim, but he hopes it’s him anyway, as he sighs and opens the door.

“Hey!”

Instead, he's greeted by Rey's bright smile as she stands on his doorstep. Her hair is down, grazing her bare, freckled shoulders, and she looks weirdly familiar in his apartment, as if she had always belonged there somehow.

“Oh,” he says, stupidly as usual. “It’s you”.

Then he blinks, assuring himself he's not hallucinating her. Maybe this is all a dream - maybe BB8 has managed to knock him over too, and now he’s currently lying flat on his back on his living room floor, and this is all a vision.

Quite right too - of course he'd hallucinate about Rey.

Rey’s smile falters for a moment as she eyes him, and she frowns, worry easy to read on her face - maybe because he's learned to read her so well in these past months, as if her expressions were an alphabet he has memorized somewhere in his brain. It feels new to know someone so well - weird, but also wonderful, as if something in him had always ached for this kind of connection.

“Is it a bad time?” she asks, nervously twisting her hands, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. The dress she's wearing stops a few inches before her knees, and she looks - so wonderful, so real, so _beautiful_  “I don't want to intrude, I just thought- Usually I look after BB8, but my new landlord is an asshole and has a strict no pets policy and- well, I just came to see if everything's alright, but I'll go if you-” she signals to the stairs, already on the cusp of turning away.

“No!” It comes out a little more forceful than he'd wanted to, but Rey stops walking away and looks at him, tilting her head to the side, her eyebrows raised, her lips parted. His cheeks feel on fire but it's probably his body’s standard reaction to Rey's presence. “I mean- don't go. It's … very kind of you to stop by. Please, come inside”.

Her hair brushes against his shoulder as she steps past him and follows him inside, and it makes him shiver, his heart thumping loudly against his chest. The smile he knows so well is back on her face, even brighter than before, and the fact that she's here, in his apartment, doesn't make any sense, but she's here, and she's real, and Ben can't help but stare at her - her hair grazing her shoulders, her lips curved in a grin, her freckles-covered skin.

“It's no problem, really,” she’s saying, running a hand through her hair, as he stands there, dumbfounded. “I just finished working, and Poe texted me your address, so …” She frowns a little bit, staring at him. “Is everything alright? You look … _tired_ ”.

Ben’s brain is still trying to process the last five minutes, so it takes him a beat to reply.

“Well …” _I've just spent two hours trying to wrestle an extremely hyperactive, sassy corgi, and then you appeared out of nowhere so I don't know what to make of myself anymore_. “BB8 is quite a handful,” he manages to say in the end, which elicits a giggle from her. The sound makes his stomach twist in a weird way and it feels as if he were trapped in a lift that had suddenly started to pummel down.

“Yeah, that is an understatement,” she says, as they slowly make their way into his living room.

BB8 is still there, perched on the couch and chewing on his sweater, but he starts to wiggle his butt as soon as he notices Rey, his big eyes fixed on her.

She raises her eyebrows. “Is that- is that your sweater?”

Ben can feel the heat rolling off him in waves and he wonders how red he actually is, but then comes to the conclusion he doesn’t actually want to know. “Yeah”.

“And how did he find it?”

He clears his throat. “Hell if I know.” She giggles again, the purest sound he's ever heard, and his stomach twists again. It feels like a rollercoaster, and he still can't tell if he likes it or not. “I'm pretty sure that dog is possessed”.

Rey laughs again, and he's still trying to process that he's the one making her laugh - and it's as surprising and breathtaking as the first time, and he thinks he will never get used to it, to the warmth and the shock blossoming in his heart as he watches her mouth curve in a grin.

She steps toward the couch, her arm stretched out as if set to pet that monster of a dog who has currently claimed his Ben's couch. “Don't be silly, he's adorable,” she tells Ben, glancing his way over her shoulder and flashing him a smile.

He's so enthralled by her he forgets to tell her that _adorableness_ is definitely not on the list of qualities BB8 possesses. Sass, defiance, stubbornness? Yeah, he’s got plenty of that. Adorableness? Not so much.

Rey doesn't seem to mind anyway.  “Hey, sweetie,” she coos, her voice incredibly sweet. “How are you? Did Poe leave you with this big, scary man?”

Ben scoffs - last time he checked, BB8 was not the one who had been almost been bitten by a demonic corgi. Before he gets a chance to reply or even warn her about BB8 and his tendency to bite everything in a ten-miles radius, though, Rey sits beside him on the couch and for a moment Ben worries the corgi is going to rip her arm off, but then she stretches out her hand and starts to pet him beneath his ears and BB8 just _melts_. He finally lets go of Ben's sweater and flops on his back, snuggling into Rey and staring at her with his big, brown eyes and that stupid, happy expression that Ben is sure he would mirror, were Rey caressing his hair.

He isn't proud of it.

“I can't believe it,” he murmurs, as BB8 nuzzles his snoot against Rey’s hand, demanding her attention even as she raises her eyes and stares at Ben with a little, enchanting smile tugging the corner of her lips up. A dimple makes its way onto her face, and Ben oddly relates to that chewing monster currently splayed on his couch, staring at Rey in awe as if seeing stars. “He’s been growling at me for the past two hours. How did you manage to calm him down? Are you magical?”

Rey chuckles – a small, soft sound that makes BB8 wiggle his butt again, and nuzzle further into her. Ben is starting to think the monster is in love with Rey, which he finds way too easy to relate to.

He can't believe he's got something in common with this demonic dog, but apparently it's the truth.

“He was just nervous. His owner isn’t around and you’re a tall, scary man … he just needs time,” she explains, glancing up at Ben with her bright smile. Then, she gestures toward the couch, patting it and tilting her head to the side. “Come here. Let him grow accustomed to you”.

“Uh, no, thanks,” Ben replies immediately, shaking his head and taking a step back for good measure, as the corgi eyes him with his unfathomable, ancient gaze. “I am deeply attached to my arm and I do not wish to weep its loss when that monster will eventually rip it off”.

Her eyebrows shot dangerously high, and her smile turns into an adorable pout that makes his stomach clench again and his heart rate pick up. “Oh, _come on_ ,” she says, one hand petting that monster of a dog, the other planted on the couch, next to her. “You’re a giant, muscled man and he’s a tiny ass corgi. He won’t rip your arm off”.

“That’s what he _wants_ you to think.” Firmly planted on his spot, Ben shakes his head again and crosses his arms, even if he feels his resolve slowly crumble down as Rey pouts, lashes trembling slightly as she blinks at him. The freckles on the bridge of her nose almost have him stuttering, but he stays put, despite how much the tiny monster in his brain that makes itself known everytime Rey is around is screaming at him to do whatever she says. “I'm pretty sure he’s just waiting for the right moment to strike”.

Rey gapes at him for a moment, then her lips curve in one of the smiles he's so fond of - the ones she reserves for him only.

“Yes, sure. Death by corgi, history is full of it,” she replies, shaking her head. Her hair brushes against her skin as she does, and a chestnut strand rests against the curve of her neck, tantalizing and enthralling. Ben gulps, his hands suddenly hitching to brush it off. “Come here,” she repeats, her eyes fixed on him, and Ben can’t help but obey, his body moving without him even noticing until he’s right in front of her.

Before he can talk himself out of it, he crouches down in front of BB8 and stretches out his hand for him to sniff it, under Rey’s watchful gaze. The corgi studies him for a terrible, infinite minute, then he lowers his head as if to spur him on, and Ben places his hand on top of his little head, scratching him beneath his ears. BB8 melts into him, sighing happily.

“See? No arms ripped off,” Rey says, happily, and when he glances her way, Ben realizes he's practically kneeling in front of her, her legs right against his stretched arm, and it's both awkward and magnificent. He could lower his arm a little bit and _accidentally_ brush against her skin. He could sink his hand further into BB8 short fur and lace their fingers together. He could even lean in, smiling up at her and tasting her matching smile on her lips.

Instead, he just sighs. “I still think he's a monster”.

Rey's giggle fills his living room, and his heart thunders painfully against his ribcage. “I think he reminds me of you".

He's too shocked to form a coherent thought. “ _What_?” He looks at the dog in front of him, basking in Rey's (and, surprisingly, his) affection, and then glances up at Rey, who's still grinning madly. “I’m nothing like this _demon_ ”.

Without hesitation, she stretches her free arm out and comes to brush a strand of hair out of his forehead, fingers lingering against his skin for the briefest moment. Ben's heart stops for a whole minute, but when his spirit finally comes back to his mortal body, Rey had already pulled away, and he’s left asking himself if that really happened.

“You're both nervous and it takes you a while to warm to strangers,” she murmurs, smiling gently, and his skin tingles right where she has touched him, as if she had left a visible scar of her passage. “But then, when you do, you're adorable and no one can’t help but like you”.

Something in him - or, what's left of him, more precisely - wants, no, _dies_ to ask her if she finds him adorable too, if she likes him too, if she likes him the way he likes her - but he knows better than that. He ducks his head down to hide the blush high on his cheeks, and stares at the happy mess of a dog currently petted by both him and Rey.

“At least I don't bite,” he says, in the end.

“Oh. You don't?”

The tone is playful and teasing, and when he raises his head to meet her gaze, she's already looking at him. She's glowing, here under the lights of his living room, and there's something in the back of her eyes that resonates deeply within him, and Ben thinks, for the second time in a matter of minutes, he could really kiss her - he could lean in, brush his lips against hers, trace the lines of her face with his fingertips, feel the beating of her heart against his chest.

He doesn't.

“I should get started on dinner,” he announces, suddenly standing up, redder than ever and not even sure he's making sense. Before he can stop himself and see reason, he stares at her, bashfully, and asks her, “Do you want to stay?”

He wonders how he managed to utter the words without stuttering on them for once.

BB8 eyes him with what Ben can only presume is a pitiful expression, while Rey gapes at him. For the first time since he has known her, her cheeks redden, as if taken aback by his surprising boldness, and the blush makes her look even more beautiful, her freckles standing out against her complexion.

“Oh,” she lets out, blinking at him. Then, she stands up just as suddenly as him, smoothing her clothes to erase invisible wrinkles, and starts to twist her hands - a gesture, he has learned, born out of nervousness.  “I really don't want to impose, maybe I should just get going and-”

“You're not imposing. I'm _asking_ you,” he interrupts her, and Rey is left staring at him, her lips slightly parted as if on the cusp of saying something.

He doesn't know how it happens or what possesses him to move - he only knows he finds himself right in front of her, and her fingers fit perfectly between his own when he takes her hand. Rey’s breath hitches, but she doesn’t pull away, and his thumb comes to brush against her knuckles. He can feel the way she eases into his touch, the nervousness melting away as he traces small circles on the back of her hand.

He raises his gaze from their joined hands to look at her - and he finds she’s already staring at him, the same blush on her cheeks, that secret smile on the curve of her lips. She looks like she wants to say something but doesn't know how, so he squeezes her hand and lets out a deep breath.

“Do you want to stay?” he murmurs, his voice low, as if whispering a secret.

Her answer echoes in his living room. “ _Yes_ ”.

She stays for dinner and plays with BB8 the whole time, smiling so brightly he feels almost blinded by her grin - and that's how Ben realizes he's halfway in love with her already.

A few days later, when Poe comes to pick his dog up and after owner and chewing monster have gone through all the ritual of petting and excitedly jumping up and down his apartment and almost destroying Ben's new lamp, Poe he looks straight at him, and a knowing, warm smile makes its way into his face.

“So,” he says, as he fastens BB8's collar around the corgi's neck. “You've told Rey?”

Ben's expression must be an accurate representation of his utter confusion, because Poe sighs and shakes his head, running a hand through his hair as if to fight the urge to shake him, which is usually anyone’s standard reaction to Ben’s presence.

“That you _like_ her,” he continues, raising his eyebrows in an eloquent expression. “Why do you think I've given her your address for? Don't tell me you haven't told her anything”.

 _Oh_.

Ben opens his mouth. He closes it. Then, he opens it again. “You owe me a sweater,” he announces, before showing them outside.

**(iv)**

“Dude,” Finn says, as Ben picks up the last box in the van.

His shirt clings unpleasantly to his back as he raises on his feet again, and he lets out a deep breath, wiping the sweat from his forehead and thinking about his shower and the hours he'll spend there as soon as he’ll be free from this torture. He almost doesn’t notice Finn waving a hand in front of his eyes.

“Dude, you have to stop”.

Ben stares at him in confusion, then stares at the box in his arms as if the answers were written there. Then, he raises his eyes back on Finn, raising his eyebrows.

“What?”

To be honest, he has no idea of how he ended up here, but, in hindsight, it must be Rey’s fault, and the distracting smile on her lips as she handed him his coffee and told him all about helping Finn and Poe move into their first apartment. As usual, he has no memory of even offering to help, but he finds himself there all the same, sweaty and weary, his muscles aching from all the heavy lifting they have reserved him.

He doesn't really mind it - Rey had been staring at him for a whole minute as he lifted two boxes, and when he had met her gaze, she had quickly turned away, but not before he could notice the blush high on her checks. She had stuttered as she told Finn something he hadn't been able to pick up, and Ben’s heart had thundered against his ribcage, and he had nearly stumbled upon Poe.  

It doesn't mean anything but his brain can't help but play that moment in loop.

“No, I mean, not this,” Finn says, bringing him back to the present and gesturing vaguely in the direction of the box he's carrying, his cheeks flushed red both from the summer heat and the awkwardness of the situation. “Thank you so much for helping us, we couldn’t have done it without you. Seriously, you saved our lives. No, I meant-” he shakes his head, cocking it to the side as if to study him. “You have to stop helping us just to impress Rey”.

At this point, he isn't even surprised - he is so tired he doesn’t have it in him. By now, he's past embarrassment and confusion and shock, and he's in that weird land of resignation in which his only reaction is, _well, this might as well just happen._

He sighs, shifting the box in his arms as he slowly carries it toward the building, Finn right behind him. “I don't do this to impress Rey,” he says, and even if he knows his cheeks are even redder than before, at least his voice doesn't break or sound hysterical, which is kind of an accomplishment for him.

Finn barely raises his eyebrows, looking unimpressed. “Just last week, you volunteered to help Rose paint her apartment,” he reminds Ben, who winces as if the memory physically hurt him.

“I know,” he says, trying his best to hide the blush on his cheeks behind the box he's carrying, even if he's doing this more out of habit than because he needs it. He can feel Finn's gaze on him, his eyebrows dangerously high on his forehead, but he’s so tired he doesn’t even feel the need to feel self-conscious. “I know, but I don't do this to impress Rey. I just kind of lose control of what I'm saying when she's around and I end up blurting thing I regret. Not that I mind helping you,” he adds, quickly, cringing internally at how bad he is at existing like any other human being. “It's just- you know, Rey”.

There’s a brief silence in which Finn stares at him, and Ben realizes this is probably the first time he has spoken so much in anyone’s presence, except for Rey’s. It feels weird, as if he had made himself strangely vulnerable after years spent building his walls and his defenses, but Finn doesn't look menacing. He just sigh, and smiles at him, running a hand through his short hair and staring at him with a quiet exasperation in the back of his eyes.

“Man,” he exhales, shaking his head. “You really got it bad, don't you?”

Ben doesn't think this needs an answer, not really, not after everything he's said and done in the past five minutes (and twelve months) - but he shrugs and softly, almost imperceptibly, nods. At this point, he's not going to deny it any longer - it feels kind of pointless, when it's clear that his heart jumps in his throat everytime Rey glances his way or pays him a compliment, or pats his shoulder as if to soothe him when he's working on his book.

“Yeah, I guess” he murmurs, in the end. His face is on fire, and he knows he's blushing, but Finn doesn't tease him for it. Instead, he helps him settle the box he was carrying down before the two flight of stairs that carry them to his new apartment and Ben is very grateful to have a moment to catch his breath.

His words are met with a chuckle, and he feels his cheeks turning a even brighter shade of crimson, but it doesn't feel half as bad as usual. Maybe because he has accepted the fact that he has a huge, terrible crush on Rey. Or maybe because he's too tired to even put up a fight. In any case, it feels almost liberating, to admit it without embarrassment, to accept the fact that he's in love with Rey and there's nothing he can do about it, not that he wants to. It kind of feels like a privilege, to feels something so deep for someone else.

“Why don't you ask her on a date?” Finn asks him, his eyebrows furrowed in a focused expression, as if he was trying to read his thoughts and found them particularly confusing.

Ben doesn't know why everyone insists on this - on him asking Rey on a date, as if she could ever say yes, as if he could ever muster up the courage to utter those words, as if they both lived in a world where these kind of things happen. His heart beats faster in his ribcage at the thought, but _this_ feels so fragile, a delicate balance that could be destroyed by his careless action, and despite it all, he doesn't want to risk it.

“I don't want to ruin this,” Ben murmurs, in the end, staring at the box in front of his feet as if enthralled by its presence here. “She's my best friend”.

Finn scoffs, his breath echoing in the lobby of the building. “Dude, you won't ruin anything,” he tells Ben, a hint of disbelief in his voice. “She-”

“Guys!”

Before he can complete his sentence, they're both startled by footsteps and the next thing Ben knows, Rey is hopping down two flight of stairs just to stand in front of them, her movements both efficient and graceful. Her skin is glowing from the summer sun, and golden freckles cover every inch of her face and shoulders, turning her into a dotted masterpiece, and Ben imagines himself connecting all her freckles together, studying the star chart of her skin with rapt attention. She's smiling as usual, and he has the sudden urge to walk the few steps between them and take her into his arms, and kiss her and kiss her and kiss her, as if nothing else mattered.

Finn clears his throat, bringing him back to the present, in which Ben just stands _there_ , opening and closing his mouth without knowing what to say and secretly praying she hasn't heard them talking about his embarrassing crush on her.

“Are you done?” she asks, instead, pointing at the box at his feet.

It takes him a minute and an elbow in the ribs from Finn to manage to talk again. “Yes,” he croaks, and he isn't very proud of it, but he rarely is, when Rey is involved. “This is the last one”.

Rey takes the last two steps and stands in front of him, resting a hand on his arm and stroking his skin gently, her fingertips barely brushing against his sore muscles.

“You must be tired,” she says, with a tender smile, her eyes fixed on his face. “Let me and Finn take care of it”.

He _is_ tired. His muscles ache and he barely manages to stand and all he can think about is a shower and his bed, but Rey gives him a flash of those hazel eyes, and he loses control of all his thoughts.

“No, don't worry, I love to help,” he hears himself say, though he doesn't know how he manages to talk, because all he can think about is Rey's proximity, her fingers lingering on his arm, her breath ghosting over his skin, the fact that she's very real and standing in front of him. “I can do this”.

And, because he's a hopeless, pining idiot when it comes to Rey, he does just that. Despite how much his muscles scream, he picks up the box and smiles at Rey, who has turned very silent and is staring at him with an expression he can't decode. Her cheeks are red, and she opens her mouth only to close it again a few seconds later.

Ben is painfully aware of how his shirt is currently sticking to his skin, and how awful his hair must be, sweaty and ruffled and glued to his forehead.

She clears her throat, pointedly looking away from him. His stomach churns, unpleasantly, but he tries not to think about it. “O-okay,” she stutters in the end. “I'll, uh- I’'ll go upstairs and keep the door open for you”.

She has vanished for barely a few seconds, when Finn lets out a deep, exasperated breath, as if dealing with two clueless, recalcitrant children. “No offence, but I can't believe how stupid you both are," he says, eyeing him with a disgruntled expression. Then, the frown disappears from his face, and a smile comes to take its place. "I have an idea. Don't worry, I'll take care of it".

Ben doesn't bother telling him how ominous that sounds.

**_(i)_ **

“Everything alright?” Rey asks him as she hovers beside his table, and her hand lingers on his shoulder to comfort him, a barely-there touch that disappears in an instant but sends shivers down his spine even if he tries his best to hide it and mask it behind a pensive smile.

“Yeah,” he manages to say, nodding, even if it doesn't really ring true.

Rey must notice - and really, after all these months she must be some kind of expert on him, because it takes her barely a second to realize he's not being honest, and she just smiles, tilting her head to the side.

“Are you sure?”

The chair rattles against the floor as she pulls it out and sits at the other side of his table, her head resting on her hand, her eyes studying him and the countless sheets of paper he's littered the wooden surface with. His cup of coffee sits beside his laptop, empty. His glasses are currently resting on the top of his head and he can only imagine the state of his hair from all the (too numerous to count) times he has run his hand through the strands.

All the signs of a stressful editing that's not going the way it was supposed to go, Ben muses.

"Yeah," he murmurs again, in the end, retrieving his glasses from his head and pulling them down, blinking Rey in, her details coming in sharp focus. The freckles on the bridge of her nose, the hazel of her eyes, the curve of her lips. At this point, he welcomes his thundering heart as an old friend. "Sorry, just trying to work on a scene that doesn't quite feel right. But I could use a break," he adds, flashing her a grin.

Her gaze is still settled on him, the smile he knows so well never faltering from her lips. Her other hand rests on the top of the table, barely inches away from his, and he has to fight the urge to lace their fingers together.

"You know, I never asked," she says, scrunching up her nose in that way of hers that he's definitely too fond of. "But why do you insist on working here? I mean, doesn't the noise distract you? Wouldn't you like to be somewhere quieter?" Then, as if the thought had suddenly crossed her mind, she curls her lips in a pout and she does what she usually does - she anticipates him, and touches him, her hand patting his, briefly, a gentle touch that sends his heart into chaos. "I mean, I love having you here, but I was wondering".

His brain is playing on loop the last few words  - _I love having you here, I love having you here, I love having you here_ , he can't really believe it, but she has said it so effortlessly, unprompted, as if she were speaking the _truth_ -, so it takes him a moment to gather his wits and come up with a decent answer - or, at least, one that isn't _I think I'm in love with you_.

"I don't really like the quiet," he says, shrugging, with a small smile on his lips as Rey eyes him. "I find it unsettling when I work. Plus," he adds, as the smile turns into a smirk, even if he's painfully aware of how crimson his face is right now and he doesn't know what possesses him to continue. "The coffee here is really good, and the company is even better".

Surprisingly, Rey blushes. It's not the first time it happens - it's happening more and more often lately, if he's being honest, even if he always tells himself it's a trick of the light or the summer heat's work - but it's as entrancing as the first time, as her cheeks turn a faint pink, the constellation of freckles on her skin standing out darker, her eyes even brighter like this.

She clears her throat, her eyes darting from his face to the cup of coffee sitting beside his laptop, and then she chuckles, quietly, shaking her head as if to get rid of a thought. "You get free refill for that flattery," she announces him, with a knowing smile, nodding in the direction of his cup.

Before he can tell her that it wasn't flattery at all and that he's basically here almost everyday just to get the chance to have a glimpse of the smile she reserves him, she raises on her feet, going for the pot of coffee on the counter, only to find it empty.

"Hey, Finn. Are we out of coffee?" she asks, confused. Ben can see the frown on her face, as she eyes the pot again.

"Oh, I hadn't noticed," Finn says, behind the counter, his voice strangely monotonous. "You should go check in the backroom." He barely looks in her direction, and it feels weirdly _deliberate_. For the first time since Ben has helped him move a few weeks ago, he recalls Finn's ominous words, and a deep sense of fear takes hold of him, his heart going suddenly very still and then starting to beat even faster against his ribcage.

If Rey has picked up the strangeness of the situation, she isn't showing it. "Would you mind helping me? Those bags are heavier than they look".

Finn limits himself to shake his head. "Sorry, I'm busy," he announces, even if Ben can tell even from his table that he's not really doing anything. Before Rey can point out the same thing, he raises his hand, waving it at Ben's general direction. "You should ask Ben. I'm sure he'd _love to help_ ".

_Well, at this point I'm starting to think I've earned this._

" _What_?"

Rey turns into his direction, the frown deepening on her face, so she misses Finn's gaze.

Ben doesn't.

A shudder passes through him, as Finn eyes him with an expression he must have borrowed from Rose, electric glare included. He's not exactly an expert on Finn's expression, but he assumes it kind of means _You better say yes or I'll kill you with my bare hands_ , or something along the lines.

"Of course!" He's quick to say, raising on his feet and pushing his glasses up his nose in a nervous gesture, as Rey watches him with the same frown from before on her face. "It's no problem, really".

A sigh escapes her lips, and she pinches the bridge of her nose. "You shouldn't do it, you don't even _work_ here," she says, her lips curved in a pout that makes his inside melt. "And I'm sure you're busy-"

Another glare from Finn, who is currently shaking his head. Ben finds himself gulping, and wondering what the hell he has planned for him.

"Not at all! I told you I could use a break," he tells her, and when she smiles at him, a mix of fondness and exasperation, he smiles back, and it feels genuine. There's no glaring Finn, or blind panic - there's nothing but the smile on her face, the ease in all of this, the familiarity of her presence as if their souls had connected from the beginning of time itself. He clears his throat, trying to erase that thought from his mind. "Come on, lead the way".

They pass beside the counter on their way to the backroom, and Ben tries to gesture Finn to stop whatever he's planning to do, but it's hard to do it without catching Rey's attention and Finn looks unconvinced, only a faint smirk on the curve of his lips signaling that he's actually plotting something, so Ben’s sure it hasn't worked at all, like most of the things he tries in life.

"I'm sorry," Rey's saying, still shaking her head as if to make sense of this situation. Ben painfully relates to the frown on her forehead, the confused expression in the back of her eyes. Then, she turns into his direction, an apologetic look on her features. "I don't know what came over him. I'm sorry, you don't even work here-"

His stomach churns unpleasantly at her sorry expression, so he doesn't let her finish the sentence. "I don't mind it. I do love to help," he tells her, with a smile, opening the door of the backroom and keeping it open to let Rey in.

She looks like she wants to fight him on this - even if he doesn't know what _this_ means, if the fact that he's helping her or keeping the door open for her -, but she sighs, shaking her head in a conditioned response by now. She steps in, her shoulder brushing against his and sending rivulets of electrical power down his skin, as if he had just touched a live wire.

"You're the kindest person I've ever met," she announces, without staring at him, without hesitation, her voice flat as she was talking about the weather. She says it like it's obvious - like there's no other option, like it's the _truth_ , and it falls so easily from her lips, her voice curving around the words as if whispering a secret. His cheeks feel on fire as he follows her inside, and his heart twists in a weird way into his chest, almost as if it was trying to break free of its cage of bones.

The words are on his tongue before he realizes it. _I'm definitely not_ , he's about the say, with a dismissive shrug and a self-deprecating chuckle, but Rey turns into his direction and stares at him with her bright eyes, the smile he knows so well - the one he _dies_ to trace with his fingertips, kiss with his lips, feel against his skin - back on her face, and all his protests die here, in a sunlit backroom of a small-town café.

He scoffs, trying to hide his blush behind the curtain of his dark hair. The glasses fall down on his nose, and he pushes them back, the nervous gesture he's way too familiar with. "Come on," he urges her, sounding way too breathless and eliciting a low chuckle from Rey. "Let's get this coffee".

A giggle slips past her lips, a silvery sound that has had him captivated for months by now. "It's right the-"

She never gets to finish the sentence. There's a loud _bang_ , and when Ben turns on his feet, startled by the noise, the door that he had kept ajar before is now slammed shut. He has barely the presence of mind to realize it, his heart hammering from the fright, before Rey races toward the door, her fingers already closed around the handle, twisting it.

It doesn't work.

" _Fuck_ ," she swears, under her breath, then she sighs and lets go of the handle only to start banging her fists against the door, the noise as loud as a gunshot in the small backroom. "Finn! Finn, we're stuck here! Finn-"

Dread starts seeping into his bones as he watches Rey scream with all she's got, and then it takes shape into full panic, his stomach twisting unpleasantly as he recalls the way Finn had looked at him, the echo of his words from that mid-summer day. _Don't worry, I'll take care of it._

Apparently, here's what Finn meant by _taking care of it._

"Hey, hey, careful, you're going to hurt yourself," he warns Rey, stepping beside her and stopping her before she can bang with her fists against the door again. His fingers close delicately around her wrists, the skin of her hands reddened and tender from the exercise. He doesn't look her in the eyes, and gulps down when he feels Rey shift, turn into his direction, as if slowly remembering he's trapped in here with her. "I left my phone on the table. Yours?"

She shakes her head. "It's probably back in the café," she says. A huff of breath slips past her lips, and she lowers her arm, deflated. Ben lets go of her wrists, his fingers tingling from the barest touch of her warm skin, and finally raises his eyes to meet hers, smiling briefly.

"Don't worry," he tells her, in the end, pressing his lips together. "I'm sure Finn will realize we're not back and he'll come looking for us".

 _Or he'll trap us here forever_ , he thinks, but swallows the words down before he can stupidly utter them, as he watches Rey nod, her nose scrunched up as usual when she has to admit he's right, and then drift toward the backroom. She hops on a counter and pats on the space beside her, as if to invite him.

He doesn't need repeating. His body follows hers almost automatically, as if tied by a string to her own heartbeat, and he's there beside her, leaning against the counter, her hands splayed on the surface, his fingers inches away from hers. It's still summer, and she's wearing shorts that leave her long, freckled legs bare as she dangles them from the counter, and he has to gulp once, then twice, fighting the urge to stare at the intricate tapestry of veins and freckles against golden skin.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, in the end, and when he raises his eyes, a grimace is twisting her fine features. "I forced you to help me and now you're stuck here with me and-"

"Nonsense." It takes all his willpower to prevent himself from reaching out and take her hand in his, intertwining their fingers. Instead, he rests against the counter and stares at her. This way - with her perched on the counter, and him leaning against it, his long legs splayed in front of him - they're almost the same height, and he can look into the hazel, breathtaking landscape of her eyes. "It's okay, I don't mind it. Plus, I like spending time with you".

The last words feel almost like a whispered confession, and his heart beats faster in his ribcage. The backroom of the café is quiet, and all the noise from the main room is muffled by the door, and Ben is left wondering if she can hear the thundering of his heart.

Rey blushes, her cheeks turning that adorable shade of red that makes him _wonder_ , but leans in to poke at his side, a teasing smile on her lips. "Even when you're trapped in a backroom of a café?"

He flashes her a grin. "Those are my favorite times".

The laugh she lets out is bright and lively, and it fills the whole room, illuminating it just like the sunlight does. He laughs too, feeling ridiculously happy like this - Rey's smile, just the two of them, the ease of it. A routine ingrained to his bones - from the countless times she had sat at his table just to keep him company to that night at his apartment, playing with BB8 as he made pasta in the kitchen. It feels so terribly easy like this and it scares him, to know that something can make him this happy, but he also knows he'd let Rey do anything to him.

Then, she lets out a deep breath and stares at him again, her grin morphing slowly in that private, soft smile she reserves him. "I like spending time with you too, you know".

The shock must be showing somehow on his face, because she laughs and pokes at him again.

It takes him a minute to remember how to function. "You do?"

She snorts. "You don't need to sound so _surprised_ ," she tells him, raising her eyebrows and flashing him a brief teasing smile. Then, she must read the disbelief on his face, because she sighs and smiles again, this time gently. "Yes, Ben, I do." She stays in silence for a moment, staring at her dangling legs, then, with a faint blush on her cheeks, she adds, "Talking with you is actually my favorite part of the day".

Maybe it's the way she utters those words, as if telling him a secret, offering him a part of herself. Maybe it's the quietness of the room, their breaths the only sound he can hear. Or maybe, maybe it's the fact that he's been fighting against the tide for far too long, and now it comes crashing down on him, dragging him under, taking his breath away until he gives in.

"We could, like, talk somewhere else. Maybe at dinner," he says, the words unexpected even as he utters them. "Or at a movie ... even though we couldn't really talk. Maybe we could grab a cup of coffee-" he runs his hand through his hair, the words slipping from his lips one after another, chasing themselves relentlessly the way they do in his mind. "I know it's kind of stupid to offer you coffee when you _work_ in a coffee shop but I just thought- Nevermind, it doesn't matter, I just-"

"Ben," she interrupts him, her voice soft, barely above a whisper. He stops immediately, the words dying on his lips, and only now he notices he has been pacing back and forth, his legs hitching to move as he rambled on. When he raises his eyes to meet hers, she looks like she's holding her breath. "Are you talking about a _date_?"

He doesn't trust himself to speak, so he just nods.

And then, the most surprising thing happens - Rey smiles. Her lips curve into a bright, dimpled smile, and her eyes shine, and she looks like _sunshine_ , like someone had captured the sun and nestled into her body when she says, simply as ever, "Yes".

This time, he opens his mouth, the word tumbling out of his lips out of its own accord. "Yes?" he asks, tentatively, almost terrified of believing in what's happening in front of his eyes.

The giggle Rey lets out echoes in the confined space of the room.

"You're still so _surprised_ ," she points out, then she stretches her arm out, as if calling him to her. He doesn't need to be told twice and takes a few tentative steps into her direction, standing right in front of her as she sits on the counter, his eyes never drifting off her for the fear of seeing her disappear. "Ben, you really thought I'd say no?"

It’s a shift - he can feel it in the air, in the way she stares at him, in the smile on the curve of her lips. It feels like breathing - like letting go after having held a breath for so long, like all the tension has finally quieted down, the insecurities melted away. Her hand comes to brush a strand of hair out of his forehead, then cradles his face as she speaks, and it feels so easy to step into this kind of intimacy, as if their bodies knew each other in some previous existence, as if she had taken her time to learn him in another life.

"I honestly didn't think I'd get this far".

She laughs again, her fingertips lingering on his skin as if counting all the moles on his face. "Ben, I've been crushing on you for _months_ ," she tells him, a whisper away from him, her hazel eyes almost haunting up close, and he tries to make sense of the words - tries to adjust himself to the knowledge he lives in this world now, a world where Rey crushes on _him_ , and strokes his cheek, and smiles at him the way she usually does, melting every lingering thought. "I thought you had noticed. I thought you _knew_. I haven't said anything because I wasn't sure you felt the same way and I didn't want to ruin this because you're one of my best friends and-"

He tastes the rest of the sentence right on her lips as he kisses her. Rey lets out a surprised gasp against his mouth, but melts into the kiss with the same ease she does everything with, her hands winding into his hair, her legs parting to accommodate him, her knees resting against his hips. His skin feels electrical right where she touches him, a shiver running down his spine as her fingers linger at the base of his neck, toying with his hair, and he doesn't know how it happens - he only knows his hands are brushing against her skin, his fingers are curving around her knees, and he's pulling her into him, as if afraid she could disappear any second. It feels like a dream and a sacred experience at the same time - sunlight filtering from the window, her hands resting on his shoulders, her mouth so soft against his.

It lasts both for a lifetime and for a second.

When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against hers and he can count all the freckles dotting her skin up close. Rey doesn't let him go, and he doesn't either, his fingers closed around her knees, her legs wrapped around his waist.

" _I_ have been crushing on you for months," he informs her, a smile tugging his lips upward. Rey's eyes widen, and her lips part, and he laughs at her expression. "You don't need to look so _surprised._ I think I made it pretty obvious blushing every time you looked at me".

She shakes her head, but her mouth curves into a brilliant, dazzling smile, her fingers playing with his hair. "I wasn't sure".

One of his hands comes to cradle her face, his thumb stroking her cheekbone, marveling at the fact that he gets to do this. "Now you know," he murmurs, softly, and it shouldn't be surprising now - but Rey leans in and kisses him, and his heart stutters in his chest again, as if failing to comprehend this moment. It doesn't matter - it feels perfect like this.

Then, as Rey's hands travel lower, gripping his shoulders, and the kiss deepens, her knees digging into his hips, there's a loud noise, and someone clears their throat.

"Please," Poe’s voice says, a hint of amusement in it. "Don't defile my coffee shop".

Rey immediately pulls away from him as if Ben had just burned her, and her cheeks are crimson, heat rolling off her skin. He knows he's no better off - his face feels on fire, and a part of him wonders if he can spontaneously combust just from embarrassment alone.

Apparently not.

When he turns toward the door of the backroom, he notices Poe, Finn and Rose standing in the doorway, a lazy smirk on their faces, the smug look of someone who has executed a very successful plan in the back of their eyes. He supposes he has to thank them for forcing him to get his shit together, but right now he just wants to disappear, and judging by the way Rey squirms in his arms, his feeling is shared.

“We weren't- it’s not-” Rey is trying to say, her cheeks flushed, her eyes darting from him to her friends. “We weren't _defiling_ anything”.

Rose raises her eyebrows. "Really?"

Ben has the sudden urge to hide his face in the crook of Rey’s neck, but it would not help his case, so he just breathes deeply and looks at her, trying his best not to die from the awkwardness of the situation. “I’ll better go,” he murmurs, and he knows his face is still red, but suddenly he doesn't care anymore as Rey brings her eyes on him and her lips curve into that smile he knows so well. “About that date, tomorrow sounds good?”

Rey’s smile grows wider and brighter, making his heart thump into his chest. “Definitely,” she replies, which is, alone, still a surprise - but then she leans in and kisses him despite Poe and Finn and Rose still standing there, and that is enough to shut down his brain for good.

“Come on, lovebirds,” sighs Finn, and when Ben turns into his direction, he can see him roll his eyes, pretending to be annoyed even if he’s still smirking.

“Well,” Ben says, his lips automatically curving into a grin, as Rey squeezes his hand before letting him go. “I think you owed me one”.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i told you it was silly :D  
> anyway, as always, i am on [twitter](https://twitter.com/akosmia) and [tumblr](http://kylorensx.tumblr.com/) if you want to chat with me. i have been on a hiatus for these two months, but i'm gonna be more active there as well, if uni doesn't try to kill me again, so if you want to reach me, i promise i'll reply ♥ there's also a link to my ko-fi on my tumblr, if you want to support me and encourage me to write more of these awful silly things :D
> 
> and that's all, see you next time! i promise to be back, and thank you for all the support ♥


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